My Secret Fear – Not Loving My Second Child As Much As My First
What if I can’t or don’t love my second child as much as the first? It looks even worse in black on white than it sounds in my head. This thought has literally been hounding me for a while and I feel terrible for even writing about it.
Any mom thats been in the child-bearing game can tell you that no two pregnancies are the same. For starters, it is your second rodeo, so you do make a little less “fuss” about it. The room is left later, all the things are bought less of (partly because you have learned that most things you bought the first time was a complete waste.) Even doctors visits are less exciting.
I am now in my third trimester and three weeks to go. I can’t help feeling a slight pang of guilt for not being so “involved” like I was in my first pregnancy. Lately, I have been looking at my 6 year old wondering how I will be able to love this new little baby as much as I love Sammy. How will I be able to give him as much of myself? In a way, I almost don’t want to because wouldn’t I be taking away from being the best for Sammy?
I always thought Sam was the way he is because I spent so much time “bonding” with him before he was born. This was not the case with baby Saul, due in 6 weeks. Saul is coming at a time of a new business, Sammy’s grade 1 year, and loads of other responsibilities which has piled up making life a bit more complicated than when Sam was born. Would this affect him in any way I wonder? Would he be a horror like everyone “warns” a second child would be if your first is so well behaved?
In my eyes Sammy is literally the perfect child. So loving, caring, sweet, polite and an absolute pleasure to be a parent to him. I always laugh and say the Lord really knows which kids to give to which parents because I don’t know if I would have been able to cope with any other child.
I spoke to my hubby this evening and raised the subject and he literally gave me the best advice ever. If there are any other moms struggling with the same feelings this is for you;
No two children are the same. Don’t expect to love them the same. Don’t compare them to each other, because they will be different, expect it, and know it. BUT, you will love them both, you them differently but you will love them non the less. Perfectly and differently. One might be loving and affectionate and the other might want to constantly “do something” and spend active time together, or one might be creative and special time might mean doing creative things. However it turns out just know that they are yours, and children are different so we love them differently. Some require more patience, some require more practice but they all require love just the same. Being the best parent is accepting them how they are. Changing only what would benefit them and not trying to mold them into something they are not.
Baby Saul we are ready for you and can’t wait for you to join the family. With all your perfect imperfections.